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I'm just gonna come straight out and say it: I really enjoy having one kid out of the house for three weeks. Truth be told, I'd much prefer to have zero kids at home for three weeks, but I'll take one over two. Of course I love my kids to the moon and back, but give me a break. Really. Please give me a break.

The best things about being down a man:

Laundry. Twenty-five percent less laundry! With one person's laundry out of the mix, that means everyone else's gets done more frequently. This is great news for the kid who has only one favorite pair of shorts and for the laundress (that's me) who throws in his baseball uniform one hour before the game. The lighter load increases the odds that said uniform will be dry by game time. And did I mention that I get FOUR WEEKS off from washing and changing one set of sheets. That's huuuge.

Bickering. It takes two to bicker. Take agitator No. 1 out of the equation and it's ... quiet. Oh, the peace is delicious. Agitator No. 2 can't grumble about the number of times he has to take the dog out, because he has to take the dog out 100% of the times he is asked to do so. He doesn't even mind, because his brother isn't lounging on the couch while he does it. Our house hums. Turns out I can be pretty chill when I don't have to deal with the fallout from relentless "utzing." Who knew?

Housekeeping. I'm no math whiz, but I believe I have increased my chances by 50% of walking into a room and finding it exactly the way I left it. Do not underestimate the ripple effect of one person's crap and crumbs. And since wrestling is a two-person activity, I have yet to walk into the family room and find the couch pillows askew, the blankets on the floor and the remotes MIA. And no need to holler, "Whose crusty cup is this?" It ain't mine so that automatically makes it yours.

J returns home Monday evening from a three-week BBYO trip out west. Come Monday I will eagerly anticipate the return of our family's "spirited" dynamic, and I will be beyond excited to see him and welcome him home. But not just yet. I'm able to completely savor the quiet for 3.5 more days only because I know it's temporary. After awhile the quiet is deafening.


Read Robin Green's blog on Facebook at facebook.com/clevelandjewishnews. Use the hashtag #CJNaccidentalblogger.

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